I have had several boyfriends, but my last relationship was the longest I ever had. It lasted two years and a half, and I had enough interactions with a boyfriend so that I could actually understand why things didn’t work. I eventually realized he was a complete jerk, a compulsive liar and a pitiless manipulator. I will discuss the other issues later. So with this long-term relationship, I was actually faced with sexual differences for the first time. It just opened my eyes to the fact that I am maybe a little kinkier than the average girl or that he was just too vanilla. And I’m still debating that issue. I tend to believe that it was a mix of both. The thing is that as far as I started experimenting with masturbation and sexual play was that while I was having fun or after I was done, I liked to taste myself and licked my own wetness off my fingers. I would also lick another partner’s fingers after he made me come.

I actually never thought that this simple thing would be a problem with any of my partners. Ever. So I was really surprised when I was told I was being disgusting, gross or nasty. Those adjectives just don’t do it for me as much as naughty, slut and similar phrasings used for dirty talk.

It used to be such a simple sexy thing for me, until I met him. What’s wrong with that? Seriously, why not? I taste good, in my opinion. And he would agree, but why could he have some and not I? I still don’t get his point, which was never clearly stated. It reminded me when I would ask ‘Why?’ as a child and I would be responded ‘Because.’ Remember how frustrating that was? Not only was I told not to do something that I liked, but I could not understand why.

My main argument at the time was: If you taste it and you like it, why can’t I? If you bought a dessert you enjoyed, wouldn’t you want to share with me? Is the principle that it comes from my own body so disgusting? Was he secretly homophobic and thought that tasting my juices made me bisexual or homosexual, and did not want to witness that? It’s been a year since I broke up with him and I still don’t get it. Do you?

Kynky Kytty