Friday, February 5, 2010

There is Such a Thing as Too Many Lies

I have recently talked to my ex, yes the one who thought licking my fingers was disgusting, and he lied shamelessly about several things. It made me wonder at what it takes for one to actually realize when there is such a thing as too many lies. Or better, did he even realize he was lying?

Here is the thing, I had to talk to him to get some information and we had a small discussion about sexuality. And right now I need to vent about that specific discussion. Since he is recently single, I expected him to make inappropriate comments about sleeping with me again, and he did somehow. He is really that predictable. But he surprised me with three comments, but I will discuss only one tonight. They were not pleasant, to say the least. But then, that is no surprise, he had never been able to surprise me in a positive way, which is so very sad.

I am going to skip the part about how the discussion reached this point, but he told me that he thought that it was sexy when I licked my fingers. Wait a minute! SEXY? I clearly remember NASTY. There is a gigantic semantic difference, and I do not think I could have misinterpreted that meaning. As soon as he said that, I knew he was lying and I was instantly on my guard. It was obvious, at least to me, that he would just say anything so that he could get his way with me.

His lies and manipulations used to work with me in the beginning, until I realized how much of a liar he was. It still took me more than a year to see the situation clearly, or clearly enough. When our relationship ended, I would wonder about the number of inconspicuous lies that I had taken as truths. It took me a while to figure him out and see how empty and shallow his personality and character were. Even today, I am still unsure about all the other lies that I have not yet discovered.

However, right now, I am more puzzled about his reason to lie than the lie itself. Why would he suddenly tell me something completely different now and expect me to believe it? If I consider for a very brief moment that it is true, why did he lie then? You don’t say it’s nasty while you think it’s sexy. That definitely does not make any sense.

There might be a possibility that he is not able to tell the truth from a lie, and that he is psychologically convinced that he is saying the truth. Surprising as it may be, it would actually explain why he seems unable to notice all the inconsistencies in his thoughts and actions. Or he is simply an impulsive liar and he just blurts out anything that would give him a more favorable light. Or he could be completely conscious of his actions, and is ready to tell me anything to sleep with me. Unfortunately for him, all the possible reasons I came up with do not make him look like a good person to be with. He’s not. 

I like to believe that I am a logical person, but his manipulative mind is beyond me. I am incapable of making my mind about his motives, if any, and it is mentally frustrating. I think –and I know— that I wasted my time with a low-life like him. Now, that makes sense.

Kynky Kytty

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