Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Cost of Friendship

I don’t usually go out of my ways to get a new friend, but there are times, extremely rare times, when I need to reach out for someone. I do not always find someone that I want to hang out with, but when I do, I’m really happy. I mean, we all do, it seems so hard to make or even find good friends in general. You may like someone to become your friend, but if they do not have the time and space for the friendship that you want to initiate, you’re pretty much screwed, since it takes time, a lot of time to build a solid friendship. It’s all about timing.

In the last two years, I’ve changed a lot. I mean significantly. I knew that I was able to evolve and become a better person with time and with the right motivation, but I… I did not expect that I would search for a different type of friends than I did before. That means I must have changed more intrinsically than I expected. I’ve grown more quiet, probably more mature, I need someone with whom I’ll feel at ease, and it’s not that common. Usually that type of calm, even and tempered personality appears to be more frequent in men than in women.

I have no preference for a female or for a male when it comes to having close friends, but I’m aware that having a friend of the opposite sex can be a little tricky. Not always, but sometimes. I’ve got male friends that I would only keep as friends, and I’m not attracted to them. But since I’ve decided to put sex aside for a while when I’m looking for a partner, I’m first and foremost looking for a friend. Fine if that person is single and we can see if things could potentially blossom into something more, but if he isn’t, that’s where things get complicated if feelings develop.

In a way, the only difference here between a male and a female best friend is the potential sexual attraction –in my case, high–, since I’m probably also technically in love with my best girl friend. We are very much straight, and we even laughed when we tried to think what could have happened to us if we had been of the opposite sex. When you mix friendship and attraction, it can be really hard to see things clearly and not wonder about the possibilities, even if the person is not free.

In the last year and a half, I became interested in only one person. However, that person is in a relationship, and I was faced with a dilemma. Do I become friends and risk falling in love, or do I just let go before I get hurt? I did not think about the issue for long, since all I could think about that was how rare it already was to find someone that I wanted to hang out with and confide in. It’s a price that I’m willing to pay. As friends, I trust myself to respect his relationship, that’s not a problem. I’m not planning to break anything up, especially since I already gave my word to keep it friendly. It all comes down to respect, but I know I’ve gone a long way to be where I am now.

Kynky Kytty

0 comments (+add yours?)

Post a Comment